


sometimes we gotta lean on someone else

by killingboys



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, by Alex’s parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27138455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killingboys/pseuds/killingboys
Summary: Luke: “Alex, I... your parents were never cool again after you told them you were gay.”Alex’s coming out based on that line and the after math as a ghost.
Relationships: Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Past Luke/Alex - Relationship, band as a family :)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 310





	sometimes we gotta lean on someone else

**Author's Note:**

> *also if u possibly want to check out my original work on this acc it’s kind of a social media au? u can find it on twt @harlowheartts for all updates it’ll be in order from the very first tweet thanks if u do :)*

**OCTOBER 12TH, 1994**

Alex did it. He came out to his parents

He never expected a great reaction, they have always been overly religious. But he at least had hoped his parents would still love him—he’s their son after all.

They made it very clear where they stood on that matter.

Now, he’s at Luke’s house trying not to cry. Not to fucking lose it or to let on how bad it is now at home.

“They’ll come around,” Luke says, holding him tight. He presses a kiss to Alex’s temple.

If only Alex could believe him.

  
  


*

**OCTOBER 12TH, 2020**

Alex is at band practice, rehearsing for the gig this weekend. Julie and the Phantoms are opening for another well known local pop-rock band.

Alex in the back of his mind was aware of what day it was. He knew, how could he forget a shitty day like that? But with rehearsal, he’s putting all his focus into drumming and his _solo_ at the performance this weekend that there was no time for any of his spiraling.

Until someone mentioned parents. Alex isn’t even sure who anymore. His mind is so muddled. And it’s such a common topic to bring into the conversation, it shouldn’t trigger him. But it’s what brought that day to the forefront of his mind.

It’s like all at once he feels a million miles away from the band. Yes, they’re standing right in front of him, but he’s just going through the motions of drumming now. But yet, he also feels too confined. He’s itching to getaway. To get out of this cramped garage. He knows Julie, Luke, and Reggie are going to take notice. He’s pounding on the drums like his life depends on it and he’s not even paying attention to the songs any longer.

He doesn’t even notice the strange looks Luke and Reggie give him. They had started to taken notice of his symptoms of a panic attack. They’ve made themselves familiar with them.

Alex suddenly stops drumming, stands up, and says, “I-I can’t be here anymore.” He poofs out, drumsticks in hand.

Luke and Reggie look at each other. Reggie shrugs. Luke feels like he should know what caused the panic; he’s known Alex intimately and platonically. He’s seen Alex unraveled and put together. _He’s_ put Alex back together.

But it’s escaping him.

Julie interrupts his thoughts, “Do you guys know what’s wrong with him?”

Reggie gives her a shrug. “It could be a few things. He has anxiety.”

Then it hits Luke. Julie had gotten a few calls from Flynn earlier. Which effectively stopped practice for a moment, telling her about how she came out to her parents yesterday. That it was National Coming Out Day.

Alex came out to his parents 26 years ago to the day.

“Fuck. Reg, it’s been 26 years since he told his parents.”

  
  


*

Alex ends up where he first met Willie. It isn’t a conscious act. He didn’t think of anywhere to go, he guesses his brain connects Willie with comfort.

Alex tries to not think of _they who shall not be named_. (Julie has been trying her hardest to update them on popular culture. Which includes Harry Potter.) He tries. 

But it’s all he can think about.

_They’re at the table for dinner. His dad is talking about some arbitrary thing, he’s not quite sure._

_“I’m gay,” Alex says, interrupting in a moment of bravery._

_His parents go silent. Until his dad breaks it, “No son of mine is a f*****.” His mom looks at him sadly, then stands and follows his dad out of the kitchen._

His dad very much meant those words.

He knows thinking about this isn’t helping him calm down—he’s still shaking, still finding it hard to breathe. He’s fidgeting and swears he’s hallucinating when he hears, “Alex!”

Then he hears it again, softer this time. “Alex.”

Willie’s in front of him. He looks concerned. “Are you okay? No wait, that’s a fucking stupid question. Don’t answer that.”

Alex almost huffs out a tiny laugh. Willie smiles, then kneels in front of him.

“Can I grab your hands?” Alex nods.

Willie grabs the drumsticks out of Alex’s hands. Which Alex has forgotten about until now, he’s had a death grip on them. Willie places them on the bench, then takes Alex’s hands in his. Willie’s hands are softer in comparison to his. He has callouses from his drumsticks; Willie doesn’t seem to mind the roughness. He rubs circles on the backs of his hands.

This gives Alex something else to focus on.

“Breathe with me,” Willie says. Alex looks up at him, averting his gaze from their tangled hands. “In, 1, 2, 3, 4. Now hold it and out 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.”

Willie has him repeat the breathing exercise a few times until he’s visibly calmer. Until his hands are no longer shaking.

“How did you…?”

Willie releases one of Alex’s hands and moves to sit next to him on the bench. Willie stares at their hands this time. “After you told me about your anxiety. Well, I looked it up and came across ways to help with it.” He shakes his head, let's out a breath. “It's stupid.” 

Alex is dumbstruck. No one’s ever done something like that before for him. Sure the boys know how to help him now, but that came with practice. 

Alex raises their hands, presses a kiss to the back of Willie’s. “It's not. Thank you,” he says softly.

“Of course. I’d do anything for you.” Alex doesn’t think his heart can take Willie’s kindness.

They sit together in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Alex leaning into Willie’s shoulder, hands intertwined. Alex hopes Willie will let the panic attack go unaddressed.

But no.

“You want to talk about what happened?”

Alex knows he’s being kind and caring and oh so _Willie_. But he wishes he’d let it drop. He just wants to sit here and have his boyfriend hold him. Forget what this day is.

But maybe.

“Maybe I should talk about it. I never have, not really. It’s shitty.”

Willie turns so they’re facing each other. “I’m always here for you, hotdog. No matter how shitty it gets.”

Alex takes a deep breath, then tells him.

*

“I should probably get back. Tell them why I acted the way I did.” 

Willie looks at him with sorrow and something else he can’t place. He’s still gripping Alex’s hand. “Do you want me to come with you?” 

Alex’s mouth drops a little in shock. Somehow Willie always knows what he needs. Alex hadn’t wanted to ask him, didn’t want to be a burden to him.

Instead of responding, Alex stands up, pulling Willie with him. He poofs them back.

Luke, Reggie, and Julie are still in the garage. Luke and Reggie have since moved to the couch. Reggie is tucked under Luke’s side, hand on his bouncing thigh, trying but failing to calm it. Julie is sitting at the piano, nervously playing through scales, missing a few notes here and there. It seems all his nervous energy transferred onto them.

Luke is the first to notice him, jumping up off the couch. “Alex, thank god!”

“Willie’s here too,” He says with an awkward laugh, holding up their joined hands.

“We were about to come searching for you, dumbass,” Reggie says standing up after Luke. He leans into him again. Reggie has never handled tension well, because of his parents. He always looks to Luke for comfort. It never goes well when they’re fighting.

“Sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Julie says. She’s moved away from the piano, coming to stand by Luke and Reggie. 

Willie squeezes his hand, reminds him of what he came here to do. “You can do this, babe,” he says softly, only for Alex to hear. 

“No, listen guys. I have to tell you something. I have to tell you why I acted as I did.” 

“We know, Alex,” Luke says, pointing to him and Reggie. “You don’t have to talk about it, it's okay.”

“I need to. I never told you the full truth. It’s something I need to do.”

Luke flinches. Alex pretends not to notice.

“So, I came out to my parents 26 years ago. Julie, that’s why I was upset. Luke and Reggie knew. I also told them before I told my parents.” Julie nods, so he continues. Willie squeezes his hand tighter. “I was feeling good that day. I-I don’t even remember why, I just was feeling particularly brave. So I told them. My mom said nothing to me. My dad, well, to sum up, he told me _‘no son of mine is gay.’_ But, uh, he used a much worse word than gay.”

“After that, they never properly spoke to me again. They kinda just ignored me. Unless it was to convince me to go to church. Or more or less guilt me, they never let me have that choice. It was always: _‘We let you live here, Alex. You have to go, to repent.’_ So I’d go. I was terrified one day they’d kick me out. And I couldn’t put that on you guys, Luke, Reggie. You had your own shit.”

Luke tries to interrupt, “But—”

Alex stops him, holding up his hand. “I know better now, okay? But it was just. You and your mom were always fighting, Luke. You were so upset. And Reggie… _your_ parents. I couldn’t put my shit on you guys.”

“So I did what they asked when they asked. I went to church. I talked to the priest. I acted like I wasn’t who I was, for them. And for what? For-for people who didn’t even love me anymore! I would leave flyers around the house for the band’s shows and find them ripped up in the trash. I’d try to talk to them about school and even that they’d shut down. I truly was no longer their son. I honestly don’t even know if they cared that I died.”

When Alex looks up, Julie’s crying. Reggie is tearing up, the tears close to falling. Luke looks angry. Alex has seen him close to blowing up and this is it.

“Why didn’t you ever— The whole time we were together and you were suffering and you never said anything?!” Luke shouts. Alex watches Reggie jerk away from him. Not because of the mention of his and Alex’s romantic past but because of the yelling. Reggie has a hard time with fighting.

Alex also feels Willie stiffen and lets his hand drop. Willie hasn’t been made aware of Luke and his past relationship; which is very much ancient history. 

“Luke, you know how I am,” He says through his teeth. Luke sighs. It seems he’s going to let the matter drop.

“Well fuck them, _we’re_ your family.” Alex smiles.

“Band hug!” Alex suddenly has an armful of Luke, Reggie, and Julie. Alex can still hear Julie sniffling in his ear.

“Please don’t cry, Jules. I didn’t tell you that so you’d cry.”

“I’m sorry,” she sniffs. “You just deserve better.”

“You guys are giving me that.”

“ _Alex_ , who knew you were so soft!” Reggie exclaims. Alex hears Willie’s soft _“I did”_ , sees him standing a few feet away watching them.

Luke yells suddenly, “Come on, Willie, get in here! You’re a part of this family too!”

Willie squeezes next to Julie, right to Alex’s side. Julie happily makes room for him. (She's their number one shipper. Another pop-culture term he’s learned from her.) Willie kisses his cheek. Alex turns his head and kisses him. Julie, Luke, and Reggie make fake gagging sounds. 

“Bro, right in front of my salad!” Julie cracks up laughing. “Julie, did I use that right?” 

“Yeah, Reg. You did.”

“Yeah, not in front of his salad, Alex!” Luke yells back. “I still don’t know what that means.” He stage-whispers to Alex.

Alex bursts out laughing. Willie follows suit, falling further into Alex’s side. 

Alex knows with this family, his real family he’ll find a way to be at peace with his past.


End file.
